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"The Dastardly Director'"

by D Chapelle

Some Excerpts:

VIOLET: Oh, Guy, I just can't. Mother would never have approved of it, and there's Jade to think about, and...and it would mean leaving sunny California and my beautiful Field's wood, and moving to New York City.

GUY: But, darling, my work is in New York City.

VOILET: My home and my heart are in Los Angeles.

GUY: Perhaps some day motion pictures will be made in southern California.

VIOLET: Who in their right mind would want to do something like that?

GUY: Stranger things have happened, Violet.

VIOLET: Oh, Guy, let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow and enjoy today today.

GUY: But what happens to us when tomorrow is today, and yesterday is today, and today is but a memory?

VOILET: (Moving back into his arms.)Let's not speak of that.

GUY: Is it too painful to think about?

VIOLET: Too confusing. Let's just enjoy the beautiful, perfect sunset.

GUY: And each other's company.

VIOLET: This moment is so perfect!

GUY: Yes it is, and nothing and no one can change that.


VIOLET: I';d like to spend some time with Guy.

JADE: But, Violet, if I make the tea then you and Mr. Stalwart would be left without a chaperone.

VOILET: I see your point. Even though Guy is a fine gentleman it isn't seemly for a young lady to be alone with a gentleman.

JADE: That's why you should make the tea, and I'll entertain Mr. Stalwart.

VIOLET: But that would leave you alone with him.

JADE: I know, but I'm not the one he's pitching woo to. At least not yet.

VIOLET: (Aside) Why is it I have the strangest feeling my sister is up to something? She is my sister, and I do love her, but at times she can be really sneaky, mean, and nasty. She takes after Daddy. He was a lawyer you know. I know I can trust Guy with her, but can I trust her alone with Guy? Oh, what could it hurt? (Violet exits.)

JADE: (aside) And now the spider to the fly. (Slinking over to Guy.) How nice we can finally spend a little time together, Mr. Stalwart. Mr. Stalwart...that sounds so formal. Mind if I call you Guy?

GUY: Yes. It wouldn't be proper Miss Fields.

JADE: Is everything you do proper...Guy?

GUY: I don't go looking for temptation and temptation never comes looking for me.

JADE: How nice for you. Boring, but nice. Tell me, Mr. Stalwart, how do you find the night life in New York?

GUY: I look out the window after sundown.

JADE: (Considers Guy. Aside.) And still he's able to walk and chew gum at the same time. (To Guy.) The night life must be very exciting in New York?

GUY: I have no complaints.

JADE: It'd be more exciting with me at your side.

GUY: Excuse me?

JADE: My sister's a nice kid, don't get me wrong, but she just doesn't know how to have fun.

GUY: We have fun.

JADE: It's not the fun in your life that counts, it's the life in your fun. Know what I mean?

GUY: I don't think I want to know.


LEMMON: No need to introduce yourself. I recognize you from your portrait on Violet Soap. (Aside.) Egad, her prepossessing visage is even more pulchritudinous than her facsimile.....For you people from Nebraska, I just said she's prettier than her picture.

VIOLET: Allow me to introduce...

JADE: (Pushing her way past Violet.) Out of my way! Hello, I'm Jade!

LEMMON: Jade? You mean to say that you are a vulgar woman who flouts propriety?

VIOLET: Have you two already met?

JADE: I'm Violet's older sister, Jade. It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Lemmon. May I call you Brimstone?

LEMMON: No. (To Violet.) Is she always like this?

VIOLET: We tried sending her to finishing school.

LEMMON: Next time try obedience school.

JADE: Mr. Lemmon. I've seen almost all of your movies.

VIOLET: And this is my friend....

LEMMON: Guy Stalwart!

GUY: Hello Lemmon.

VIOLET: (Aside.) How odd. Guy doesn't seem to fancy Mr. Lemmon's company. And Guy is usually so...so friendly. (To Guy.) You know each other?

GUY: Only too well.

LEMMON: I had hoped you'd allow bygones to be bygones. (Aside.) Actually, once I'd heard that pest had left New York, I'd hoped he drop from the face of the Earth.

GUY: I find it very difficult to forgive those who falsify, victimize, and defraud for a living.

LEMMON: Pretty strong words, Mr. Stalwart.

GUY: Strong emotions call for strong words.

LEMMON: Are you calling me a liar?

GUY: I believe I am.