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"Prairied Treasure"

by D. Chapelle

Some Excerpts:

SIRIUS: Good! (Sirius rushes off.)

PRISSY: Ima, Sally, you have to help me! The Fearsome Pirate Flotsam touched me!

IMA: Did he make a pass at everybody on this boat but me?

SALLY: I didn't think you liked him.

IMA: He's a story! It's not my fault he's a cute story.

PRISSY: Stop bickering! I've been touched by the the pirate!

IMA: Snap out of it! Tell me everything you know about the pirate.

SALLY: Miss Hack, can't you see this young lady had been traumatized?

IMA: I see a story!

SIRIUS: (Entering.I hate that guy!!!

SALLY: I don't think Sirius found the pirate.

SIRIUS: You!!!

PRISSY: Me?

SIRIUS: Yeah you! If I never ever see you again it'll be too soon. I could have caught him. But you held me up.

SALLY: I thought the pirate held you up.

SIRIUS: Thank you for reminding me!

PRISSY: I thought you were a fine, up-standing man who wanted to protect women and children.

SIRIUS: I'm a banker! I want to protect my money.

IMA: What did you lose, Sirius? Did the pirate hit the mail room? The safe? What's the damage?

SIRIUS: So many questions and so little time. Leave ... me ... alone!!!

IMA: I could do your image a lot of good.

PRISSY: So could a good tailor.

SIRIUS: Are you still here?

PRISSY: I was just leaving. I think I've gotten what I needed.

IMA: You think Sirius can protect you?

PRISSY: I think I know when I'm not wanted. (Prissy rushes off in tears.)

SALLY: I'm beginning to think you're a bully, Mr. Swindlemore.

SIRIUS: I'm beginning to think I like your spunk. Normally I don't like spunk. In your case I'm willing to make an exception.

IMA: Am I sensing a budding romance here?

SALLY: I have no idea what you're talking about.

IMA: Maybe a deal to get your father out of the slammer!

SALLY: My father is innocent!

SIRIUS: I'm beginning to think I'd like to throw you through the nearest porthole.

IMA: I have the effect on people. But one last question!

SIRIUS: If you promise it really is the last question.

SALLY: And there's no romance!

IMA: That's nice, dear. Now, Sirius, how did the fearsome Pirate Flotsam know where to strike? How did he find out about the private cops, Sirius?

SIRIUS: That's two questions.

IMA: Answer them and I'm outta your hair.

SIRIUS: I'm holding you to that. All right, Flotsam hit because he always knows where to hit. How he does it I don't know. I really wish I did, but I don't.