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Scripts For Sale
"The villain Strikes!"
by John Burkhart
HENREITTA: Yes, that’s right, a background investigation. I want one of your best operatives on the case.
Now, how much do you charge? I’m sorry, I must have heard you incorrectly. I thought you said three dollars
per day. You did? That’s insane! Three dollars per day is totally out of the question. Plus expenses! What
expenses? Food and shelter? Well, he can stay here at night and sleep in the servant’s quarters. For that
matter, he can eat with the servants as well. And that will take care of expenses. Now for the details. I
want you to conduct a background investigation on my ward’s fiancé.
ROSE: Fiancé? Oh! I’m sorry mother. I didn’t realize that you were talking on the telephone.
HENREITTA: I’ll call you back later. No, not my fiancé! (To ROSE) And not your fiancé either.
ROSE: Well, I hope not. You’re not even engaged! Then who’s fiancé are you talking about?
HENRIETTA: (To phone.) Well, I’m certainly not talking about your fiancé, you nincompoop!
ROSE: Nincompoop! Oh dear!
HENRIETTA: (To ROSE.) No, not you my dear. (To phone.) No, I wasn’t calling you dear!
ROSE: Why… you always call me dear! What is wrong? What have I done to deserve this? You called me a…a…nincompoop, (She starts crying.)
HENRIETTA: (To phone.) I’ll have to call you back later. Good-by. (Cross to ROSE.) I’m sorry you overheard. I was ordering
an investigation concerning….some missing groceries. That’s it, some missing groceries from the delivery service….And
the detective is getting married….and he was talking about his fiancé when you came in. (Aside.) It would never do to
have Rose find out that I was having a background investigation done on her fiancé, Throckmorton. It would break poor
Rose’s heat to learn that I was having suspicions about him….but I do!
ROSE: I was so frightened mother! I thought you were addressing me with those harsh words.
HENRIETTA: Now Rose, how many times have I told you I’m not your mother! Even though I adopted you at an
early age, I’m not your real mother! I’m not anybody’s mother and I detest being called mother!
ROSE: But, even though my real parents perished in that tragic boating accident, I’ve always looked at you as a moth…
HENRIETTA: (Interrupting.) NOT MOTHER! I’m much too young to be a mother.
ROSE: I am sorry moth…Henrietta.
HENRIETTA: That’s better. Or you can call me auntie. It better describes our relationship. And aunts are younger.< br/>