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"The Baron's Revenge"

by D. Chapelle

Some Excerpts:

ROGI. (Entering.) Herr Baron ... Herr Baron.

BARON. What?!

ROGI. Who are you talking to?

BARON. No one of any importance.

ROGI. It sounded like you were talking to someone.

BARON. It was no one of importance!

ROGI. Well, you have me to talk to now.

BARON. And still no one of importance.

ROGI. (Sternly.) You know talking to yourself is one of the first signs of an unhinged mind.

BARON. And talking to you is the second! Now, what do you want?

ROGI. You called me?

BARON. I did?

ROGI. (Aside.) Memory loss is the third sign of an unhinged mind.

BARON. Yes, yes, I did call you! Tonight, Rogi ... The storm comes tonight. Tonight the fury of the heavens shall bring forth my monster and the fury of my vengeance. (He laughs wildly.)

(Holding up four fingers and pointing at the Baron with her other hand. Aside.) Sign four.


BARON. Rogi?

ROGI. Yes, Herr Baron?

BARON. Is all in readiness?

ROGI. Yes!

BARON. Do you have the stone?

ROGI. It was delivered earlier this evening.

BARON. Where is it?

ROGI. In the other room.

BARON. I told you I wanted it in here!

ROGI. The delivery men wouldn’t bring it in past the foyer.

BARON. Well, don’t just stand there. Help me move it in here.

(Rogi and the Baron exit and return pushing and pulling a very large stone into the room on a cart.)

ROGI. Explain to me again why we need this thing?

BARON. For the strength test. Once the monster has been animated I’ll order it to move this stone to test it’s strength and power.

ROGI. Wasn’t there an easier way?

BARON. And what would you suggest?

ROGI. Arm wrestling?

BARON. I don’t think so. Is everything else ready?

ROGI. Yes, Herr Baron.

BARON. You’ve attached the hands?

ROGI. I did the best job I could.

BARON. What of the legs?

ROGI. I’ve stored those in the cold room.

BARON. Excellent. And what of the brain?

ROGI. (Something’s wrong.) The ... the brain?

BARON. Yes, the brain! It is ready, isn’t it?

ROGI. Well ... it’s sort of ready.

BARON. What do you mean ... sort of? Is the brain ready, or isn’t it?

ROGI. Yes. Yes. The brain is in the laboratory, and ... and it’s ready.

BARON. Wonderful. Wonderful! (Laughs.) On this night I shall have my monster, and I shall have my revenge. (He laughs wildly, and Rogi joins in.)

EMMA. (Entering.) Have I missed something?

BARON. Darling!

ROGI. Herr Baron, there’s something I need to tell you about the brain.

EMMA. Brain? Charles, what is she talking about?

BARON. Nothing, my darling, nothing at all.

ROGI. I thought we were talking about the terrible creature we were creating in the secret laboratory.

EMMA. The what?!

BARON. (To Rogi.) I should have never fixed your hump.

EMMA. Charles, what’s going on here?

BARON. Nothing you should be concerned about, my darling. Now, it’s late, shouldn’t you be in bed?

EMMA. I couldn’t sleep.

BARON. Is it your room?

EMMA. It’s the storm, Charles, it frightens me somehow.

BARON. My poor, sweet girl, there’s nothing to fear.

ROGI. At least not from the storm.

BARON. Come my dear, I’ll hold you close until the fear passes.

EMMA. I ... I don’t think that’ll help.

BARON. What is it about the storm that frightens you?

EMMA. I don’t know, Charles, it just does.

ROGI. If you think the storm is scary, you should see what’s in the basement.

BARON. Rogi!

ROGI. What?

BARON. Don’t you have something better to do?

ROGI. Ohh! (She turns to go, but turns quickly back to the Baron.) No, not really.

BARON. Then find something!

ROGI. On my way. (She heads for the secret door.)

BARON. Not that way!

ROGI. But that’s where ...

BARON. (Speaking pointedly as he points to Emma.) That’s nothing but a bookcase.

ROGI. But this ... (Suddenly catching on and crossing to exit as she speaks.) But this is just a bookcase, which ... which couldn’t possibly be a way out of the ... out of the ... out of the ... Ah, nuts. (Rogi exits rapidly.)


EMMA. Charles, what is going on here? What are you keeping from me?

BARON. Emma, love, what’s gotten into you? I’ve never seen you like this before.

EMMA. It’s ... it’s the storm.

BARON. Nonsense! It’s something more.

EMMA. A dear friend of mine died today.

BARON. A friend from home?

EMMA. One of the villagers. Eddie, the toy maker.

BARON. The crippled, blind man?

EMMA. Oh, Charles, he was so much more than that. He was kind, and gentle, and giving. He was my only friend here in Muldavia.

BARON. What about me, my sweet?

EMMA. What about you?

BARON. Never mind. How did he die?

EMMA. It was horrible, Charles. Eddie was playing with the village children and things went horribly, horrible wrong.

BARON. What happened?

EMMA. They were playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and things ... things got out of hand. (Near tears.) And now ... I’m all alone in a strange and frightening land. Poor, dear, Eddie was the only person in the village who ever showed me any kindness.

BARON. What about me?

EMMA. What about you?

BARON. (Aside.) I note a disturbing pattern developing.