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Scripts For Sale

"B Mine Forever"

by John Burkhart

Some Excerpts:

MELODY:It would certainly make me feel better! It just seems like all we have had so far is bad luck!

(BLACKIE enters)

BLACKIE: Good morning ladies!

PRISCILLA: Speaking of bad luck and look who shows up!

BLACKIE: I beg your pardon?

PRISCILLA: I said, speaking of bad luck, and look who shows up.

BLACKIE: Be careful what you say around me or it may be bad luck for you!

PRISCILLA: I am absolutely terrified...Anyway, it's about time you got back, Blockhead.

BLACKIE: Blackhead! I've told you a hundred times it's Blackhead you mangy......>(He starts toward PRISCILLA menacingly.

MELODY:(Interjecting herself between them)Now, now, Mr. Blackhead, I am sure she doesn't mean anything. She just forgets your name sometimes, don't you Priscilla?(Pause as PRISCILLA ponders.)...I SAID, DON'T YOU, PRISCILLA?

PRISCILLA: Yeah sure, I forgot.

MELODY: That's better. Now, shake hands.

PRISCILLA: Not a chance.


MELODY: Oh, all right! I give up! Stay mad at each other! So, where are the supplies Mr. Blackhead?

BLACKIE: Blackie. Please call me Blackie, Miss Moonstruck...and I will call you Melody!

MELODY: You will not! As you very well know, I am betrothed to Mr. Malone. It isn't proper for an engaged person to address members of the opposite sex by their first name!

BLACKIE: Very well then.... Miss Moonstruck it... (Aside.) For now!

PRISCILLA: So now that we are all on a last name basis, where are the supplies?

BLACKIE: I'm afraid I have some bad news.

MELODY: Bad news?

BLACKIE: Really bad news.

PRISCILLA: You came back. What could possibly be worse news than that?

BLACKIE: Why, I ought to...(He gathers himself in with an effort)(aside.)Wait! No reason to lose my temper now, with their mines almost in my grasp.....I must be patient! After all there will be plenty of time to gain my revenge on that nasty Priscilla and win the hand of the fair Melody!(To others)The bad news is that we do not have any credit left at the general store.

MELODY: What? But our line of credit at the general store is good for several thousand dollars!

PRISCILLA: That's right! We haven't even used half of the funds we had saved for the mining operation!

BLACKIE: Well, when I went to the general store the owner said that the credit line was closed. Something about the bank account being empty.

PRISCILLA: What? That's ridiculous! We have plenty of money in the bank.

>MELODY: That's Right! There must be some mistake!

BLACKIE: All I know is the store would not let me have any supplies!(Aside)What really happened was I disguised myself and told the bank manager that the assay report was not good, and then I went to the general store and told the owner that the bank was withholding credit . When the two of them get together the false rumor I started should help plant the seeds of doubt in their minds. And that should buy La Verne and I enough time to finish our plan.

PRISCILLA: Well, we will just go into town and straighten this mess up! And you had better not be lying about this if you know what is good for you!

BLACKIE: I swear....

MELODY: Mr. Blackhead! There is no swearing allowed here!

PRISCILLA: This is a family show!

BLACKIE: Oops! I forgot. Please accept my apologies, my lovely lady.(He attempts to kiss her hand, but she pulls it away.)

MELODY: That’s quite all right, I accept your apology!

PRISCILLA: Just don’t let it happen again, Blackbrain.

BLACKIE: It's Blackhead! Blackhead, you dithering fool! Get it right!'

PRISCILLA: Oh who cares, Blockhead, Blackbrain, what's the difference. I just seem to have trouble remembering it.

BLACKIE: Why is it that you always get my name wrong but you never seem to have trouble saying Malone?

(DIGGER enters)

DIGGER: Did somebody mention my name?

BLACKIE: Well, I'd better get to work! Come on La Verne, give me a hand.

(Exits into "A" mine.)

LA VERNE: I'll be there in a little while. I just did my nails and they have to dry.

PRISCILLA: Did your nails? Couldn't that wait until tonight?'

LA VERNE: No, if I did them tonight, I wouldn't have enough time. The saloon gets going early on Friday nights.

MELODY: But this is Thursday.

LA VERNE: I know... and tonight I have to do my hair!(She exits to cabin.)

PRISCILLA: Well! I'm glad this job doesn't interfere with her social life!

DIGGER: She doesn't seem to get much work done, does she?

PRISCILLA: No, she really isn’t much of an employee. So, just why did you hire her, Digger?

DIGGER: She came highly recommended.


MELODY: That's right Priscilla. Everybody in town told us about her. They all said she was a real gold digger.


MELODY: So we hired her to dig gold!