BETTY. It's ... well, I got this feeling that doom, gloom, and destruction are about to visit us.

WILBUR. Oh, that reminds me. I got a telegram today.

MOLLY. I thought you gave up your job as the Telegram Man?

BETTY. Molly, that man hasn't given up anything in the twenty years I've known him.

WILBUR. This wasnt any ordinary telegram. This was an official one. The State Board of Schools and Wildlife is sending a school inspector to inspect the new school.

MOLLY. Did you hear that, Betty? This ... this is wonderful!

WILBUR. I wouldn't be putting all your chickens ahead of the cart if I were you.

BETTY. Wilbur, there's something you aren't telling us.

WILBUR. The school inspector ... is ... is ...

BETTY. Tilla DeHon!

WILBUR. Thanks for ruinin' my dramatic moment, Betty.

MOLLY. Whats so horrible about Tilla DeHon?

BETTY. What ain't ... (Darn!) Isn't ... I mean what isn't horrible about her?

WILBUR. That women is so mean pianos won't play with her.

BETTY. When she was a teacher she caused more kids to run away from home than liver and onions.

WILBUR. That woman is so sour she can curdle face cream.

BETTY. One time Lassie bit her.

MOLLY. Betty! Wilbur! I get the idea.

WILBUR. You do?

MOLLY. She's not a nice person?

BETTY. The woman dreams in black and blue.

MOLLY. But how do you know her?

WILBUR. She was the last School Marm we had here in Fritter Gulch.

BETTY. And the meanest there ever was.

MOLLY. What happened to her?

WILBUR. It was a dark and stormy night ...

BETTY. And Miss DeHon had stayed late to correct papers.

WILBUR. She had more red ink than an ice cube salesman at the North Pole.

BETTY. And then it happened.

MOLLY. What happened?

BETTY. The best anybody can figure out is a bolt of lighting hit the school and burned the place to the ground.

MOLLY. How horrible?

BETTY. She survived, but her face was badly burned.

WILBUR. Some say she still carries the scars from the accident.

BETTY. If'n it was an accident.

MOLLY. Why do people say she still carries the scars? Doesn't anybody know?

WILBUR. To this day she wears a black veil to cover her face.

MOLLY. And ... and she's coming here to inspect my school?

BETTY. Oh, Molly, what are we talking about? How bad could it be?