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"Lights, Camera, Danger"

by D. Chapelle

Some Excerpts:

DELMAR: (Aside.) Ahh, at long last my package from Acme has arrived. With this all my problems will be solved.

OTTO: Problems? Are there problems I have not heard about? Delmar, I do not need no stinking problems!

DELMAR: Otto, old bean, where did you come from?

OTTO: Originally mine family is from Frankfort, but great grand-papa moved der family to Dussledorf.

DELMAR: Good to know. What are you doing here?

OTTO: This is mine studio! This is Furnace Pictures...if it's a's HOT! I come und go as I please. Except for der ladies lounge. There is much hard feelings and screaming vhen I go there. Now, you tell me vhat you are doing here?

DELMAR: Getting ready to make you the best movie I ever made! "Peril of the Plains" is going to be better than "Plains Riders", or "Riders of the Plains" and...and...and it's going to be better than "Sparky the Wonder Ferret goes to the Worlds Fair".

OTTO: WOW! Better than "Sparky the Wonder Ferret goes to the Worlds Fair"!

DELMAR: It would have to be.

OTTO: So...vhat is in der box?

DELMAR: Vhat box...I mean...what box?

OTTO: Der box you are guarding mit your vorthless life!

DELMAR: Oh...that box. What's in that box? What's in that box a secret.

OTTO: As long as you're working at mine studio there are no secrets from me. This is Furnace Pictures...(Aside.) If it's a's HOT! Ve don't keep secrets at Furnace Pictures!

DELMAR: Except for the profit statements.

OTTO: Profits? Vhat profits! Ve lose mony on every movie. It's horrible...Now, vhat is in der box?

DELMAR: It might be your birthday present.

OTTO: You bought me a birthday present? How thoughtful of you!

DELMAR: Yes...yes, it was very thoughtful of me.…

OTTO: But...mine birthday is not for....six months.…

DELMAR: I'm always prepared, big guy.

OTTO: Then show me how prepared you are and help me get this movie made! If we do not get on der grind schtone und put our nose to der schtick, ve are going to be in trouble!!! Verstchen?

DELMAR: Geshundheit!

OTTO: Then I vill say auf wiederscehen...ach, do you have any idea why I came in here?

DELMAR: None at all.

OTTO: Vell, if you think of me! Auf wiederschen!