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"Dangerous Waters"

by D. Chapelle

Some Excerpts:

Hoot. Amy, we might wanna consider takin' that fella's advice and clear out of here while the clearin' is good.

Amy. How can we?

Hoot. Well, we get us some suitcases, and we put clothes in em'. Then we....

Amy. I know that, silly, I mean how can we abandon our home after a few little set backs.

Hoot. Little set backs? Amy, we been havin' all out, no-holds-barred, disasters.

Amy. Things will get better.

Hoot. Well, they can't get any worse.

Amy. I wish you hadn't said that, Hoot.

Hoot. It's the truth.

Amy. I know, but when somebody around here says things can't get worse, somebody knocks on the door and things do get worse.

(A banging on the door.)

Amy. See?

Hoot. Who do ya suppose that is?

Amy. What horrible fate awaits us on the other side of the door?

Hoot. I dunno...what's left?

(The door flies open, Amy screams and hides her eyes, Hoot draws his gun and stands ready to defend Amy. Aunt Aggie enters carrying Dreggs' satchel.)

Hoot. Hold it right there varmit.

Aggie. (Entering.) Nice ta see you too.

Hoot. (Holstering his gun.) We thought you was somebody else.

Aggie. I should hope so.

Amy. Why were you banging on the door?

Aggie. Darn thing was stuck that's why.


Dreggs. (Taking papers out of his pocket.) I have the papers right here. I have the check right here. Sell me the ranch and sell it now!

Amy. I cannot sell.

Dreggs. You must sell!

Amy. Things will get better.

Dreggs. They may get worse.

Amy. How could things get worse? (Dreggs pulls his pistol.) I can't believe I said that.

Dreggs. I'm tired of all this stalling. The only thing standing between me and my fortune is getting my hands on your property. Now, sign the paper!

Amy. Never! I care not what you do to me; you shall never get your greedy hands on my family land.

Dreggs. (Taking a pack of dynamite from his satchel.) Do you have any idea what this is?

Amy. I'm afraid I do, but it will do no good. You can do your worst to me, but I will not sign the papers.

Dreggs. Then do it for your dear aunt.

Amy. She wouldn't want me to sign either.

Dreggs. But you would sign to save her life, wouldn't you. You see at this very moment your dear aunt is sitting next to a bomb very much like this one. The only difference between the two is the fact the other one has a burning fuse.

Amy. No!

Dreggs. Yes! If you don't deed your ranch over to me she'll be flying over the countryside. Only this time she won't need her broomstick to do it!


Hoot. Aunt Aggie?

Aggie. Yep, Hoot.

Hoot. Can I ask you a real important question?

Aggie. Reckon ya can.

Hoot. Well, I worked here now goin' on three years. Now in that there time I ain't done nothin' but all I could for you, and for Amy, and the ranch.

Aggie. I couldn't ask ya to do more than you done.

Hoot. I don't smoke, or drink, or gamble, or even cuss much.

Aggie. I never know'd you to cuss more than me.

Hoot. If I cussed more'n you I'd have to soap my own mouth out.

Aggie. What are ya talkin' about Hoot?

Hoot. And you know me to be fine and upstandin' don't ya?

Aggie. You sure can beat a long trail around a little bush, cain't ya. Now what are ya talkin' about?

Hoot. (Trying to dig his toe into the floor.) Well I...you see for a long time now...I...I been meaning to...

Aggie. Hoot Galoot!

Hoot. Ever since I set eyes on Amy I thought she was the sweetest, most wonderful girl there ever was. Ever day of my life I think she gets sweeter and more wonderful.

Aggie. (Aside.) He's got it bad don't he?

Hoot. And I was just wondering if...if...

Aggie. You tryin' ta ask me for Amy's hand?

Hoot. Well...maybe I am, and maybe I....

Aggie. Let's try this again. If'n your askin' what I'm thinkin' you're askin' then ya got my blessin' fer doin' what you're thinkin' about doing.

Hoot. I knew you'd understand.

Aggie. One of us had to.