Scripts For Sale
"Peril of the Polls"
by D. Chapelle
HUGH: The coast is clear, Senator Nienerniener.
NED: (Entering.) Good, I say, good beans, Lil’ Buddy. (Slaps Hugh on the back.) Now maybe, I say, maybe we can git down to some bizness.
HUGH: I don’t see why we couldn’t have discussed this over a nice meal.
NED: Because most of your waitresses got ears bigger than a bayou bloodhound. Busy bodies, that is. Now what is this foolproof plan y’all got up your sleeve?
HUGH: This concerns getting rid of that fool of a governor.
NED: Whoa there, Lil’ Buddy. Hold, I say, hold your horses. Getting’ rid of Governor Wessell just will not do. It will not do at all.
HUGH: And just why is that?
NED: Because ol’ Wally Weasel has a way of being at the right place at the right time.
HUGH: Even a broken clock is right twice-a-day, Senator.
NED: That’s what we used to think at the club house, but it just happens too many times. On a regular basis that is.
HUGH: Then why do you want to keep him around?
NED: Because if we know where he is then we’ll know where he ain’t, if y’all catch my drift.
HUGH: I’m not even sure what language you’re speaking.
NED: Keep your friends close and keep the trouble makers closer.
HUGH: But Senator, Wessell is bad for business.
NED: Bad for your bizness, or bizness in general?
HUGH: Who have you been talking to, Senator?
NED: My line of work I talk to lots of folks. I know you are in the widget bizness and I know that ol’ Wally is about to sign a contract so them Belgium folk’s can build themselves a widget factory in the State.
HUGH: Which is exactly why we’ve got to get rid of Wessell before he ruins me.
NED: How about a little compromise? You want to get rid of Wally and I want to keep him where I can keep an eye on him. I think we are gonna make a Senator out of that boy.
HUGH: A United States Senator?
NED: You, I say, you betcha.
HUGH: But he’s an idiot! A fool! He never shuts up but he never says anything.
NED: Which means he’d be a perfect fit in the senate.
HUGH: You may have a point.
NED: Course I do. We’ll put Wally in the senate and tie him up with big talk and red tape. Then we’ll find us a two legged rubber stamp to stick in the Governor’s mansion. How’s that sound?
HUGH: Sounds like a plan. (Aside.) At least until I figure out a way to back stab ‘em all.
NED: Now all we gotta do is find Wally and tell him the good news.