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Scripts For Sale 

"Peril of the Polls"

by D. Chapelle

Some Excerpts:

HUGH:  The coast is clear, Senator Nienerniener.

NED:  (Entering.)  Good, I say, good beans, Lil’ Buddy.  (Slaps Hugh on the back.)  Now maybe, I say, maybe we can git down to some bizness.

HUGH:  I don’t see why we couldn’t have discussed this over a nice meal.

NED:  Because most of your waitresses got ears bigger than a bayou bloodhound.  Busy bodies, that is.  Now what is this foolproof plan y’all got up your sleeve?

HUGH:  This concerns getting rid of that fool of a governor.

NED:  Whoa there, Lil’ Buddy.  Hold, I say, hold your horses.  Getting’ rid of Governor Wessell just will not do.  It will not do at all.

HUGH:  And just why is that?

NED:  Because ol’ Wally Weasel has a way of being at the right place at the right time.

HUGH:  Even a broken clock is right twice-a-day, Senator.

NED:  That’s what we used to think at the club house, but it just happens too many times.  On a regular basis that is.

HUGH:  Then why do you want to keep him around?

NED:  Because if we know where he is then we’ll know where he ain’t, if y’all catch my drift.

HUGH:  I’m not even sure what language you’re speaking.

NED:  Keep your friends close and keep the trouble makers closer.

HUGH:  But Senator, Wessell is bad for business.

NED:  Bad for your bizness, or bizness in general?

HUGH:  Who have you been talking to, Senator?

NED:  My line of work I talk to lots of folks.  I know you are in the widget bizness and I know that ol’ Wally is about to sign a contract so them Belgium folk’s can build themselves a widget factory in the State.

HUGH:  Which is exactly why we’ve got to get rid of Wessell before he ruins me.

NED:  How about a little compromise?  You want to get rid of Wally and I want to keep him where I can keep an eye on him.  I think we are gonna make a Senator out of that boy.

HUGH:  A United States Senator?

NED:  You, I say, you betcha.

HUGH:  But he’s an idiot!  A fool!  He never shuts up but he never says anything.

NED:  Which means he’d be a perfect fit in the senate.

HUGH:  You may have a point.

NED:  Course I do.  We’ll put Wally in the senate and tie him up with big talk and red tape.  Then we’ll find us a two legged rubber stamp to stick in the Governor’s mansion.  How’s that sound?

HUGH:  Sounds like a plan.  (Aside.)  At least until I figure out a way to back stab ‘em all.

NED:  Now all we gotta do is find Wally and tell him the good news.