Some Excerpts:

OPHELIA: (Entering with a feather duster.) Problems, dear?

CRINGE: Nothing I can't handle.

OPHELIA: Really. What happened?

CRINGE: He wrote us out of his will.

OPHELIA: Oh, Cringe, he writes us out of his silly old will at least twice a week.

CRINGE: Yeah, well this time it's different.

OPHELIA: How do you mean?

CRINGE: This time I think he means it.

OPHELIA: What! Then you get right back in there and say you're sorry and that you'll never do it again.

CRINGE: You don't even know what I did!

OPHELIA: I don't care. Whatever it was you need to say you're sorry.

CRINGE: It's a little late for that now.

OPHELIA: What did you do?

CRINGE: And just what makes you think it's something I did?

OPHELIA: Because I'm your wife and with you it's always something. Now spill!

CRINGE: Alright! It was the real estate deal.

OPHELIA: The real estate deal? Cringe, darling, you should have known better than to get involved in a swamp land deal.

CRINGE: People have made a fortune in swamp land; it's a time honored tradition.

OPHELIA: Cringe, they sell swamp land ... they don't buy it! Now what are we going to do?

CRINGE: Are you afraid of doing a little honest work, Ophelia?

OPHELIA: Why should I start now? And I'll have you know I do as much around here as you do.

CRINGE: That's a horrible thing to say to your husband. You know I have a condition.

OPHELIA: Yeah, you're allergic to work. So there's nothing we can do?

CRINGE: I don't think so. He's flying himself into the city tonight to file the new will with the lawyers.

OPHELIA: Well ... I hope his plane crashes!

CRINGE: Ophelia Louise Moldmaster, I am ashamed.

OPHELIA: Fine. I'm sorry I said that. I'm upset.

CRINGE: I'm not ashamed of what you said. I'm ashamed I didn't think of it first.

OPHELIA: You think there's a chance?

CRINGE: There's a storm coming in and relatives headed for the poorhouse. I'd say there's a really good chance something bad is going to happen.

OPHELIA: Well, whatever you figure out you'd better figure it out fast. He's about to take off and if he makes it to the lawyers we're cooked. (She turns to exit.)

CRINGE: Hey, I thought you were going to dust in here.

OPHELIA: I've already dusted in here.

CRINGE: You did?

OPHELIA: It couldn't have been more than two months ago. (She blows on the lamp near her and a cloud of dust rises.) Okay, maybe it was three months ago. I need a break. Call me if you figure something out. (Ophelia exits.)

CRINGE: I already figured out I should have stayed single.

OPHELIA: I heard that!

---

CRINGE: How did you ever get elected? 

WALLY: The other guy was an even bigger idiot than me.

OPHELIA: (Suddenly noticing his sash.) That's nice to ... to know Governor. I really hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but your sash is on upside down.

WALLY: No it isn't.

OPHELIA: Yes it is.

WALLY: I wear this in case I forget. Whenever anybody asks, "Just who do you think you are", all I have to do is look down and "BINGO", there it is.

CRINGE: Who voted for this guy?

WALLY: (Pointing to the audience.) They did. All you have to do is look them in the eye, say what you have to say and do your best to sound like you mean what you're saying.

OPHELIA: It can't be that easy.

WALLY: Have a seat. (He leads them to the couch.) Allow me to show you what I mean. I am on my way to the state convention to deliver a speech. Listen and learn.

CRINGE: I didn't even vote for this guy!

OPHELIA: Shut up! We don't want to make anybody suspicious.

WALLY: Friends. Romans. Countrymen. Lend me your ears. We come here not to praise the budget but to bury it. Today and tomorrow we as tax payers and tax wasters are facing the biggest challenges we have ever faced. We have to answer the hard questions and we have to be ready to answer them. And what is that answer ...

CRINGE: Impeachment?

WALLY: That answer is ... "No we can't!" We must all face problems and disasters that affect every man, and woman, and child in this great country. Can we in the government be expected to solve these problems or fix the disasters? No we can't!n (Cringe bolts from the couch to strangle Wally with Ophelia close behind him. She stops him and aims him back toward the couch. On his way to the couch Cringe grabs a flower vase and heads for Wally. Ophelia grabs the vase and sits Cringe down.) When the tough get going the going get tough. Those who can do, those who cannot teach, and those who have failed at everything else run for public office. The best anyone can hope for is that we don't cause a bigger problem than the one we were trying to fix by bidding out the fix to the lowest bidder. So what should we do? What will we do? We will choose to do nothing. Not because nothing is easy. Not because nothing is right. We will do nothing because, at the end of the day, nothing is really the only thing we're really good at. Thank you and good night.

CRINGE: I think I'm going to cry.

WALLY: It was moving, wasn't it?

OPHELIA: I think I just figured out why voter turn out is so low.