Some Excerpts:

VANYA:  (Heavy Russian accent.) How you do? I am Vanya Vandalgrabber and is working my way through college selling magazine subscriptions.

LORETTA:  I...am pleases to meet you, Miss Vandalgrabber. My name is Loretta Lovestruck.

VANYA:  That is having lovely name.

LORETTA:  Thank you. That is an interesting accent you have. Where are you from?

VANYA:  Accent? You are noticing. Is from my home....Georgia....that's eet, Georgia. (Aside.) Russian Georgia! You think I fooling her? (To Loretta.) Is southern slang! (Aside.) Southern Russia! (To Loretta.) Enough smalltalk chitchat! Would you be buying magazines, maybe perhaps? I having "Cop Gazette".

LORETTA:  No, I'm afraid that I prefer "Gardening News". And besides...

VANYA:  Oh! Is wonderful hearing that! So happens we carry "Dirt, Bugs and Gardening tips"! Can signing you up for subscription be o.k??

LORETTA:  Perhaps, but I really need to discuss it with my aunt Laura. She lives here with me. Unfortunately, she has retired for the evening.

VANYA:  Is good. Coming back first time in morning? (She starts towards door.) Oh! What beautiful egg! Where you get it? It's how you say? Very darlink!

LORETTA:  I purchased it from the five and dime.

VANYA:  Can I looking at it?

LORETTA:  Certainly. (She goes to table and gets the egg, then hands it to Vanya.) Be careful! It's fragile.

---

LORETTA:  Didn't you say you were the principal accountant? That sounds important. What does it mean?

PERCY:  Well, you see Miss....I am responsible for saving the company money.

LORETTA:  How do you do that? I mean, please excuse me for being so forward, but I would certainly appreciate learning about any good ways to earn money.

PERCY:  Well...I don't think I can. It's probably against company policy. (He consults a book he is carrying.)

REX:  Office hours are over, Go ahead Percy. Show us how to save some money.

LORETTA:  Now, Rex. I'm sure that Mr. Pencilpoint has more important things to do. And it isn't easy to just come into a strange house and start saving money.

REX:  You're probably right. No accountant is that good.>

PERCY:  Oh, I don't know. I'm sure I could save this young lady some money right now, if I wanted to.

LORETTA:  You could? Oh Rex! How exciting! Please Mr. Pencilpoint! Go ahead and try! Please?

PERCY:  Well, all right, if you wish. (He walks around the room, goes over to the table and picks up a pencil.) Aha! You see this pencil?

LORETTA:  Yes.

PERCY:  Well, this is a sterling example of how to save money. How much did you pay for this pencil?

LORETTA:  Ten cents. I bought it at the five and dime.

PERCY:  Aha! And did you know that this same pencil can be purchased in the Treadmill General Goods Catalog for five cents? If you ordered your pencils from the catalog, you could cut your pencil expenses in half.

LORETTA:  I'll be!...But, Mr. Pencilpoint, we only use two or three pencils a year. The most we could hope to save would be fifteen cents annually.

PERCY:  Aha! Miss Lovestruck, in business every penny counts. Accounting is an exact science. There are no doubt many other items you could save money on, if you had any expertise. Why. I'll have you know that in pencils alone, I saved our firm forty seven dollars and twenty five cents last year. As a matter of fact, I won the corporate cost savings award last year because of my pencil savings program.

LORETTA:  What was the amount of the award?

PERCY:  Fifty dollars.

REX:  Well, at least I know why I'll never be an accountant.

---

LAURA:  Yes, it is. And who else came calling?

LORETTA:  Rex Robust, who is simply wonderful. And also Mr. Pencilpoint visited. He' the...

LAURA:  Hold it! Let's go back to Rex Robust.

LORETTA:  All right....

LAURA:  Well?

LORETTA:  Well, what?

LAURA:  Well what about Rex? Like what is his full name, occupation, reason for his visit, etc.

LAURA:  Wellll....he's very handsome....and he works for an insurance company....and he's soooo handsome....and he was calling door-to-door selling insurance policies....and, did I mention.....

BOTH:  He's sooo handsome!

LAURA:  I know, I know. It seems that you have acquired a bit of a crush on this Robust fellow.

LORETTA:  Oh, Laura, you are so observant! How did you know?

LAURA:  Just a lucky guess. What about the last visitor, Mr. Pencilneck?

LORETTA:  Pencilpoint.

LAURA:  Whatever. What is his story? He sounds like an accountant.

LORETTA:  He is an accountant! Oh, aunt Laura! You are so sharp! Just like a pencilpoint! Get it? Pencilpoint? Sharp? (She laughs, but Laura doesn't , so she stops.)

LAURA:  So just what did this Pencilnose fellow want last night?

LORETTA:  Pencilpoint. He works for the same company Rex works for. He just came over to tell Rex about a telegram the head office sent.

LAURA:  I see. Well, we certainly have plenty of suspects. Just off the top of your head, who do you suspect the most?

LORETTA:  Vanya Vandalgrabber.

LAURA:  Why do you suspect her? -->

LORETTA:  Well...it's her phony accent. She claims to be from Georgia, but her accent is definitely New England!