Some Excerpts:

HARRY:  I can explain, Minnie.

MINNIE:  It’s Missus McGee to you, bozo. 

HARRY:  You know, Missus McGee … I like your style. 

MINNIE:  Careful, you don’t want to get too close to me.

HARRY:  Jealous husband?

MINNIE:  I’m a widow.

HARRY:  Tough luck.  Mind if I ask what happened?

MINNIE:  Which time? I buried four of them.  Mr. Warbler was the first.  He died in his sleep.

HARRY:  Heart attack?

MINNIE:  Airplane accident.  Why they gave a narcoleptic a pilot’s license I’ll never know.  Then there was Mr. Dingmier. He got stomped in the Calgary Stampede.  Mr. Clyde was running with the bulls, but he was wearing the wrong shoes.  And then there was Mr. Klingwinger.  He died in the Hindenburg crash.

HARRY:  Wow!  Bein’ on the Hindenburg is a rough break.

MINNIE:  He was under it.

HARRY:  Ouch.  So maybe we should just be friends.  What do ya think?

MINNIE:  Good call.

HARRY:  Speaking of friends’ maybe you could help me find an old friend.  You know a fella around here name of Mike or Mick?

MINNIE:  Which is it? 

HARRY:  Which is what?

MINNIE:  Is it Mick or Mike?

HARRY:  I can say for sure.

MINNIE:  Then I guessing you two really aren’t that close.

HARRY:  Then let us say I am looking for a friend of a friend.

MINNIE:  Then let us say that if you can’t tell me more I can’t tell you more.

HARRY:  I do like your style.  Okay!  I’ll tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  (Aside.)  Like that’s ever gonna happen.  Ha!  (To Minnie.)  So, okay, I met your brother Shorty in jail.  Right?  Turns out he’s not much of a poker player.  Anyway he lost a few bucks to me and this guy named Mike, or Mick, or Mickey owes him a couple of bucks.

MINNIE:  And the name’s Mick or Mickey? He didn’t happen to give you a description of this … guy, did he?

HARRY:  Ohhhh, I’ll know Mick when I see him.  This guy has got to be a real piece of work.  Matter of fact … matter of fact your brother Shorty was always talking about sending this Mick a little something now and again.  (Aside.)  And I’m sure one of the things Shorty sent Mick was the thinga-ma-jiggy.  (To Minnie.)  So you think you know the guy?

MINNIE:  Yeah … yeah … (She starts laughing.)  I think I know him.  (She starts laughing again.)

HARRY:  What’s so funny?

MINNIE:  Oh this is rich.  This is really rich.  Hey, you sit tight and I’ll go find … Mick. 

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MINNIE:  Don’t worry.  Now that I know he’s here after you I won’t leave your side. 

HARRY:  I’ll pay you twenty bucks to scram.

MINNIE:  You’re on your own.  (Minnie exits.)

(Harry begins to walking toward Mikki who backs away.)

HARRY:  Now, let’s me and you have a little talk.

MIKKI:  I … I’ll scream.  I’ll scream and Dash will come in and teach you a lesson!

HARRY:  There’s no reason for that girly-girl.  I mean Mikki.  Alls I wanna do is have a nice quiet little talk with you. 

MIKKI:  About what?

HARRY:  This …that …you know … things.  Let’s start with talkin’ about gifts.  You get any nice gifts from your uncle lately?

MIKKI:  He just sent me … he sent me things … once in a while.  (Aside.)  Please don’t let it be my little gnome friend Bob! 

HARRY:  Here’s the thing.  He may have sent you something that actually belongs to me.  I don’t wanna make a thing outta it, but whatever it is … I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW!!!

MIKKI:  I don’t know what you’re talking about.

HARRY:  Yes you do.  Just hand it over and you’ll never have to see me again.

MIKKI:  He sent me an ant farm.  And a football.  And a stamp collection!  Would you like a stamp collection?

HARRY:  Is it worth anything?

MIKKI:  No.

HARRY:  Then I don’t want it!!!  I want the thinga-ma-jiggy!.  Fork it over, or else!

MIKKI:  There’s nothing for you here, Mr. Smith.  You might as well leave now.

HARRY:  I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

MIKKI:  Well, if you aren’t leaving … I am!