An Excerpt:

SETH: YEEEHAAA! (Everybody jumps.) Oops! Sorry I scairt you! Thats just my way of greetin greenhorns!

BILL: Well, just who do you think you are, barging in here like that?

SETH: Why I'm Seth Buzzardbreath, the toughest, orneriest, straight shootinest trapper in the west. I can hit a buffalo in the eye at a thousand yards on the run! I can stare down a rattler! And I can drink any man in the Territory under the table speakin of which, Im here a lookin fer the saloon. (Looks around.) Guess this ain't it!

URIAH: No, this isn't a saloon.

JOHN B: And there isn't one in the vicinity.

SETH: The whut?

URIAH: My brother means there is no saloon around here.

SETH: So, who'er you?

URIAH: I'm Uriah Brunner. This is my younger brother John. We are building a saw mill and this is our office. Didn't you see the sign over the door?

SETH: Saw the sign, can't read. I figured it to be a saloon sign, cause what kind of fool would put a sign over their door if'n it aint a saloon sign?

JOHN N.: Its an office sign.

SETH: Blamed idjit! Wastin my time like that! So, where's the nearest trade store at? I'm all out of whisky and I'm powerful thirsty!

SALLY: We passed one back in Fontanelle

SETH: And just who might you be, purdy gal?

SALLY: I'm Sally Sidewinder and this is my traveling companion, Bill Smith.

SETH: Well, youre the purdiest gal I seen all winter! You're even purdier than my mule Jezebelle! You're even purdier than them saloon gals I seen over to St. Louis! Yep, even purdier.

BILL: We get the point, old timer!

SETH: Sorry, pardner, didn't mean to horn in on your woman. Did you say the nearest saloon is in Fontanelle? Tarnation! I'm Powerful thirsty! Anybody got some whisky they want to trade fer? I got some beaver pelts tied on the back of my horse!

SALLY: I have a bottle in my saddlebag.

URIAH: What's a schoolteacher doing with a whisky bottle?

SALLY: Oooops! Well, you see, it's...it's...for...for (She looks at Bill for help.)

BILL: For...for Snakebite!

SALLY: Thats it! Of course! Snakebite! I keep it handy in case a child gets bitten. Lots of rattlers around here, you know!

JOHN: How thoughtful of you! You really are wonderful! I mean, you must be a wonderful teacher.

SALLY: Why thank you.John. I do what I can to help the children.

SETH: Snakebite...funny, I ain't never seen any snakes around here.

BILL: Well, you never know when or where you will find one!

JOHN B.: Thats right! In fact, I think from now on I'll carry a whisky bottle in my saddlebag.

SETH: That's enough palaver! What are you waitin fer? Go get that bottle! I Need that whisky now!