Things are calm and peaceful once more and the sisters are once more cleaning the saloon..
Script Excerpt
Well Sally, I sure wish we had some customers to keep us busy.
Sally. Maybe the stage line will change their minds and stay in town.
Sadie. That's not likely.
Sally. We'll be all right, Sadie. You'll see!
Sadie. I know. After all, we have each other, don't we?
Sally. We sure do!
Sadie. And as long as we are together, nothing on this earth can ever cause us harm."
(The sound of a drum beating is heard offstage.)
Sadie. Well, almost nothing.
(Hazel and Prudence enter, singing the temperance song.)
Sadie. Oh good grief! What do you ladies want now?
Hazel. You know very well what we want. Either you close this den if sin down immediately or we will close it for you.
Prudence. That's telling them, sister!
The Temperance ladies have received a court order to have the saloon closed which they obtained from a judge in a
neighboring town. Sadie examines the document and it appears to be proper. She tells Sadie to serve the ladies
a glass of sarsparilla while she goes to get Jake to see if the court order is really legal. At first, the ladies
do not want to wait in the bar, but Sadie convinces them that it's too hot to wait outside. Sally looks for
some sarsparilla and finds Jake's "special" bottle. She serves the ladies a drink, all of them thinking it's non-alcoholic.
Script Excerpt:
Prudence. My, this sarsaparilla certainly has a strong taste. Let me try some more, please.
Hazel. I'm still thirsty. Could I have a little more too?
Sally. Coming right up!
(The ladies drink again. And again.)
Hazel. My. My. My. This sarsaparilla certainly does give one a nice warm feeling, doesn't it?
Prudence. And on such a hot day, too.
(Sally brings the bottle over to the ladies and pours them another drink.)
Prudence. Just leave the bottle. That way you won't have to make an extra trip...Just in case we are still thirsty.
Hazel. Just pour me out a wee bit more, Prude.
Prudence. Okay, Hazel. Say, you know, this sossy specillaro...Ha. Ha. I mean Special sarsparilla is pretty darn good.
Script Excerpt:
Hazel. You said a mouthful there Prudence old girl. Hit me again.
Prudence. Who are you calling an old girl? You're older than I am. Old bat.
Hazel.I am not!
Prudence. You are too! By at least two moths! Ha. Ha. I mean, two months.
Hazel. I don't remember. What's your birthday?
Prudence. My what?
Hazel. Your birthday.
Prudence. It is? Golly, where's my cake? (Giggles.)
Hazel. What?
Prudence. What don't I remember? (Pause.) I'm sorry. Were you saying something? Or was I saying something?
Hazel. Prudence Purewater....Do you know what I think?
Prudence. I don't care what you think...What do you think?
Hazel. If I didn't know better, I'd say you're drunk!
Prudence. Drunk? How dare you? If anybody is intixicated...intax... swacked, it's you!
Hazel. Sister Prudence, control yourself.
Prudence. Control yourself? I'll have you know that lips that touch liquor have never touched mine!
Hazel. Me neither!
As the ladies become more and more drunk, Sadie arrives with Jake in tow. Neither of them know that the ladies have been drinking whiskey.
Jake asks them for the court order so he can see if it is really not a fake. He and Sadie are both hoping that it's either a forgery
or not legal. Jake does not want to have to close the saloon, of course. Script Excerpt Jake. All right ladies,
let me see that court order!
Hazel. What?
Jake. Let me have the order.
Prudence. Okay, I'll have a buffalo burger and with okra on the side!" (She giggles.)
Hazel. Not food order, you silly. (She giggles.) He wants to see our court order.
Prudence. Oh! Then show it to him, Hazel.
Hazel. What court order?
Prudence. The court order we brought here, you silly! honestly, I can't take you anywhere! (She giggles.) Give it to the Sheriff.
That big strong hunk of man!
Hazel. I don't have it! Do you have it?
Prudence. I don't have it. You have it! And even if I did have it, I wouldn't give it to you!
Hazel. Oh! Here it is. I do have it! You were right, Prudence. I had it all along! You're so smart, Prudence!
Prudence. I know.
Jake examines the document, Sadie and Sally are worried, the ladies are giggling....
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
